My Lord of the Rings
by tilly
Summary: Just to be safe i rated it as PG, but it probably doesn't even have to be rated as PG, but anyway, this is My Lord of the Rings. I TRIED to be funny, but it probably didn't work, so don't expect too much :) lol


"Aaaaaaaaaaaaraaaagoooooooorrnnnnnn." Pippin said in an extremely feminine and soft voice. He and Merry giggled. "Arwen, my dear." Aragorn murmured in his sleep. "Come here Arwen. I want to kiss you." Pippin picked up a rock and Aragorn pressed his lips against its rough, cold surface. "What the..?" he awoke immediately. Pippin and Merry ran off laughing. "Stupid hobbits." He muttered. "Hey!!" Frodo let out an outraged cry. "Sorry, no offence." Aragorn apologised. "What's wrong Legolas?" Legolas was looking extremely glum that morning. "I woke up with a snail stuck to my forehead!" The elf rubbed his head where the snail had been. Frodo and Aragorn both let out a snort of laughter. "Wa..? Wha's happenin'?" Sam was still half asleep. He tried getting up, but Gimli's feet were on his chest. Gimli was snoring loudly. "Get off of me!" Sam shoved Gimli's feet off his chest and Gimli sat up straight, axe in his hand. "Where are the orcs?" He growled loudly. "Nowhere.." Aragorn said, bored.  
  
Sam cooked some weird looking fish that he had supposedly "caught" in the great river. They looked like half frogs, half squirrels to Frodo. "What the hell is this junk?" Aragorn complained with a disgusted look on his face. "Fish." Sam said. "It's not fattening, is it? I have to watch my diet. I've put on a few ounces and have to watch what I eat from now on." Legolas said in a worried voice. "Ha! That's nothing. Over the summer, I put on 20 pounds!" Merry said in a "bet-you-can't-beat-that" kind of voice. "Oh my god!" Legolas' hands shot up to his cheeks. "You did loose it again, didn't you?" "Yeah, ofcourse." Merry answered. "*Phew*!!" Legolas let out a relieved sigh. "Once, I had a zit on my face." Legolas began a story about how he had gone on a quest to find a cure for the evil zit. After about a week, the zit had disappeared on its own, but Legolas said it was because he prayed every night for someone to save him from the evil zit.  
  
All of a sudden, the fellowship was attacked by Orcs. All of them jumped up and (tried) to get their swords. Aragorn already had his. Gimli grabbed his axe, Merry and Pippin both dove for the same sword and hit their heads together, knocking each other out. Sam panicked and ran away, Legolas shrieked and made a quick recovery by grabbing his bow and shooting an Orc who was about to hit Frodo over the head with a fish. Frodo ducked as the arrow flew toward his head. Legolas' hand in front of his mouth he shrieked again. "Never mind, Legolas!" Frodo said quickly. An orc with a radio jumped from the bushes and turned on some DMX's Rough Riders Anthem. All the orcs started dancing. Legolas shrieked AGAIN. "This is my favorite song!" He cried. The hobbits knew this song. They themselves were rough riders. They did their little wave-of-the-hand-to-the- beat-thing. Aragorn and Boromir were dirty dancing and Gimli did one of his "arms in front, elbows back, crotch front, arms back in front, butt back" thingie over and over again. As soon as the song was over, the orc threw the radio in the river (which made a big splash landing on Legolas' head, making Legolas shriek AGAIN). They all picked up their weapons again and kicked the Orcs' butts. After the fight, Legolas was bawling, because he had a cut on his finger, Aragorn was standing on a big rock waving his fist and the remaining orcs running away. All four hobbits were on the ground panting. Gimli was occupied trying to get his axe out of a tree and Boromir was dead. "Oh, well. Boromir kind of freaked me out anyway." Frodo said. All the others agreed. "Well, are you sure he's dead?" Gimli had pulled his axe out of the tree and looked down at the peaceful looking Boromir. "Maybe I should give him CPR just to be sure he won't wake up anymore." "AAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE!!" Boromir spat as he sat up straight. Gimli was knocked backwards and hit his head Aragorn's shoe. This knocked Aragorn over onto Legolas. Legolas fell into the river and came back up with sea weed in his hair. "Help!! Get the sea weed out!! It's ruining my hair!!" Gimli and Aragorn pulled Legolas ashore. Once there, Legolas sobbed about his hair. He'd have to put it in a new ponytail now. "Well, we'll be going now." Frodo said in a cheerful voice. "Yup, see ya later." Aragorn answered. Frodo jumped into a canoe and pushed it away from shore. Sam dove after him, almost drowns, except for Frodo pulls him up at the last minute. They hug, and all the other mushy stuff and head to the other side. They've reached the other side when Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli (Boromir died while everyone was watching Frodo and Sam hug and Merry and Pippin were taken by some leftover orcs.) realise they should've gone with them. "I guess the fellowship has failed." Says Aragorn. They go after Merry and Pippin. Determined to find them and hit them over the head with a carrot for being taken by the orcs, they disappear into the forest. 


End file.
